The Poisonous Friend

What is a Poisonous Friend

The Poisonous Friend is probably one of the most destructive social bullies that exist. Poisonous Friends seem quite innocuous  and at one point in your life have probably been your best friend or close family relative. They appear to have the save interests, ideas, and outlook on life that you do. They encourage you, protect you, and help you during times of stress. They are by all accounts your friend.

But their is a sinister quality that the poisonous friend possesses. The poisonous friend is a manipulator. They use trust as a means of manipulating circumstances in their favor. They recognize the law of reciprocity and act upon it to your detriment. They do so usually by helping you at your lowest point. They may have let you stay at their house for six months when you lost your job. They may have consoled you during a bad breakup. They may have given you money when you were financially insolvent. Whatever the case may be, the poisonous friend then uses such good deeds to blackmail and shame you into giving something in return that far  exceeds what they have done for you.

The poisonous friend let you stay at his house when you were out of work, he now wants you to help him embezzle money from the company retirement account.

The poisonous friend consoled you during a bad breakup, she now sabotages any relationship that can help to rebuild your life.

The poisonous friend loans you money in your time of need, she now expects to borrow money from you until the end of time no matter what the cost.

How do their actions affect you

After the blackmailing stage one will witness a profound change in the behavior of the poisonous friend. The poisonous friend will become very jealous of your success and begin to lead you to make bad decisions. They will grow increasingly more selfish and require you to furnish all of their needs no matter the cost to you.  They will constantly refer to the one or two times in their life when they supported you as a means to manipulate you into to giving them your money, your time, or expensive gifts even after you have re paid them back two-fold. Their constant conscious assault assault will cripple your self confidence and leave you scrambling to regain your self identity.

How to hack the Poisonous Friend

The poisonous friend usually possesses key characteristics. They are overly nice when they first meet you and are quick to offer some sort of helpful sponsorship . Kill em with kindness is their moto. Cults use a similar technique called  happiness bombing to recruit new members. Being nice is a way to earn your trust and then use that trust against you. Still even though the poisonous friend may appear overly nice they never seem to have any real substantial relationships with other people. This is what separates them from a truly genuine friend. A genuine friend will have other friends that reflect a healthy state of being. Likewise the poisonous friend will  be very critical of others and try to destroy any relationship that may allow you see the poisonous friend for who they really are.

The problem with the poisonous friend is that we generally realize their true intentions after the blackmail phase. It may be hard to ask yourself if you are honestly giving more in the relationship than they are giving you. Are they becoming increasingly jealous, trying to sabotage your personal growth, or making unreasonable requests? If the answer is yes do not try to reason with them – they will only guilt trip you. Break all ties immediately and never look back.

 

Robert Greene on Mastery | Full Address | Oxford Union

Robert Greene tells us about the masters of history and states that he is baffled that there are no books on being a master, the highest state of intelligence that humans can achieve.
Upon researching for his book on mastery he made 3 discoveries. The Source of mastery, the process on how to get to that mastery and the high level creative intuition that comes from achieving the end goal of mastery.
He then goes on to tell of the story of Leonardo Di Vinci; his life, obsessions and amazing attention to detail on a scientific level that lead to him being one of, if not the greatest master that ever lived.
He then says that in life there are 3 stages of learning, you learn from your parents, then school and then the real world. What the real world has to teach is completely contradictory to the other two learning stages. In the real world you can be whatever you want to be.
Secondly he goes on to talk about the story of Charles Darwin as an example of an iconic apprenticeship and how at 26 years old during his visit to the Galapagos Islands the theory of evolution and natural selection dawned on him after being exposed to this intense variety of life and learning so much.
The point of an apprenticeship is to immerse yourself in an environment where you have the maximum opportunities to learn. He mentions that ‘Social Intelligence’ is one of the most important things because you could be the most knowledgeable person in your field but if you don’t know how to deal with people then forget it. The Apprenticeship stage is in your 20 where instead of perusing money and fame you should be acquiring the skillset that’s going to serve you well through life.
Finally, as an example of how even music can conform to this path to mastery, he tells the story of John Coltrane, the greatest Jazz artist who ever lived. To truly develop his own style he studied and mastered all other genres and techniques of Jazz so that he could combine that knowledge and express himself in a way that connected with so many people.
We have a romantic notion that creativity is free, spontaneous and natural but it requires knowledge. He talks of his notion of the ‘Creative Active’ where the brain reaches a point when it’s absorbed so much information that the it awakens naturally with creative energy and it starts associating and connecting things that have never been connected before. He concludes by saying your uniqueness is your gift to the world and if you don’t keep developing who you are and mastering your field you basically just end up imitating those that came before you.
Filmed on Wednesday 21st November 2012

ABOUT ROBERT GREENE:
Robert Greene is author of ‘The 48 Laws of Power’, ‘The 33 Strategies of War’, ‘The Art of Seduction’ and, with 50 Cent, ‘The 50th Law’. He has a degree in Classical Studies and has been an editor at Esquire and other magazines. He is also a playwright. He current lives in Los Angeles
http://www.profilebooks.com/mastery-t…

ABOUT THE OXFORD UNION SOCIETY:
The Union is the world’s most prestigious debating society, with an unparalleled reputation for bringing international guests and speakers to Oxford. It has been established for 189 years, aiming to promote debate and discussion not just in Oxford University, but across the globe.

Everything Good That Happens To You Is Bad By Roosh

A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away.

All the neighbors came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We’ll see.”

A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses. The man and his son corraled all 21 horses.

All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see.”

One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs.

All the neighbors came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We’ll see.”

The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted.

All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see.”

The above proverb comes in many forms, all showing how the first interpretation of events that happen to you is usually the emotional one. There is good in bad and bad in good, and both can be acted upon in a way to give balance. Otherwise life will toss you around like a doll as you hurry to categorize every event as “good” or “bad.”

The ancient Greeks believed that once you prepared for battle with the best troops and arms you could muster, the actual result would be based on fortune. If they lost many battles in a row, they’d actually use that as a reason to fight again, for fortune would surely not deal so many continuous defeats. While they did take superstition a bit far when cancelling an attack due to a solar eclipse or a strong storm, I believe their approach to life’s randomness was the correct one. They hoped for victory; they planned and trained for it, but the moment the first arrow flew, they understood that little more could be done.

Today, we try to eliminate the effects of fortune. We over-plan, over-estimate, and over-expect in the belief that it will guarantee a result. Then what happens when fortune plays its hand out of our favor? We fall like a house of cards…

  • “Why is this happening to me?”
  • “I didn’t do anything to deserve this.”
  • “It’s too hard.”
  • “I give up!”
  • “Life isn’t fair.” (Sent from my iPhone)

If things didn’t go your way then it is “bad” and if things went fine then it is “good.” Modern humans, with all their superior technology and knowledge, have conditioned themselves to behave like laboratory rats, hitting a lever in the hopes of receiving a drop of morphine instead of an electric shock. Every day they hit the lever expecting a positive result, but when they don’t get that result they believe that life dealt them and only them a bad hand, no matter how many billions of people have a far lesser station.

Instead of being slaves to the result, we should let the god of probability determine our fate after preparing the best we could. While some emotion helps you stay invested in your goals, events are neither good or bad. When you act to the best of your ability, over the course of a lifetime, you’ll steadily be driven towards your desired result. The goal is not to be a master of your environment, but to be a master of how you let your mind interpret your environment.

Everyone Is Hoping That You’ll Fail By Roosh

Beta males are hoping. White knights are hoping. Feminists are hoping. Believe it or not, some of your friends and family members are hoping. They want you to fail because your success is their failure. It reminds them of their laziness, their poor work ethic. I’m sorry to tell you that they all want you to fail. Their subtle jabs and withholding of encouragement are aimed to keep you in an inferior station. No one wants to see someone rise at faster speed than themselves.

There is no point in telling other people your goals. They will talk you out of it or give you bad advice. There is no point trying to convince others of your world view. They will plant seeds of doubts that prevent you from action and seeing the truth. The minute you go just slightly higher than you have been, they will try to sabotage you. They are the worrymongers, fearmongers, scaremongers, shamemongers, guilt-trippers, trolls, and haters. Ignore them. Feeding them brings you down to their level, which is exactly what they want.

You’re completely on your own. You don’t need help from anyone. If you can’t reach your goals without the validation and support of other human beings, the bulk of whom I promise are against you, then you don’t deserve to succeed.

The Ten Best Employers To Work For by Charles Hugh Smith

The insecurity of self-employment can generate a far more resilient life and mindset.

There are all sorts of “10 best companies to work for” lists, but I’ve assembled a slightly broader list: The Ten Best Employers To Work For. Without further ado, let’s go to number 1:

1. Yourself

Surprised? Expecting Google or Zappos? The National Security Agency? Nope, not even close. It’s you–yes, you, Bucko. You’re the best employer to work for. OK, on to the rest of the list:

2.  Yourself
3.  Yourself
4.  Yourself
5.  Yourself
6.  Yourself
7.  Yourself
8.  Yourself
9.  Yourself
10. Yourself

Aren’t you glad I didn’t make this a “100 best employers” list?

Before you start nitpicking the list: yes, there is only one of you, so the list is somewhat repetitive.

And yes, there are some downsides to working for yourself. For example:

1. There’s no point in leaving a snippy note on the fridge to the sneaky co-worker who stole your bagel: oops, you ate it during coffee break #3 without noticing. Dang, accepting responsibility sucks.

2. When you launch a full-blown rant against your psycho, control-freak, demanding boss, you’re doing so in front of a mirror. Sigh–it’s just no longer fun blaming the boss.

3. Excuses don’t fly too far with clients and customers.

4. Nobody cares when you show up or how productive you are except you.

5. Shouting “Take this job and shove it” isn’t quite as satisfying.

All those stupid regulations you chafed under: gone. All those impossible demands that stressed you out: gone. All those shiftless, incompetent co-workers: gone. Time cards: gone. Staff meetings: gone. People to blame for your troubles: gone. Paycheck: gone.

Do you really miss anything but the last item? But really, wasn’t that paycheck the chain that bound you to serfdom?

Here’s the dirty little secret of the U.S. economy: you’re already working for yourself now unless you’re in the Armed Forces or a civilian equivalent. The clock is ticking on all those promises of pensions and benefits for life you think separate you from the self-employed entrepreneur. Maybe the promises pay out for a few more years, maybe even a decade, but they are impermanent for the simple reason that the promises made (and the nation’s debts) far exceed the economy’s ability to pay those promises and debts in dollars retaining today’s purchasing power.

Either the promises will be broken/defaulted, or a $2,000/month pension will buy a loaf of bread and a gallon of gasoline. There is no other end-state other than default or inflate-away-the-debt/promises.

You already know how “valued” you are by your corporate/agency employer.All that rah-rah “team-building” stuff is nice for the younger employees who are still naive enough to believe the propaganda at face value, but once the layoffs start again (if they ever stopped), then all that rah-rah cheerleading loses its sparkle.

Many employees are waking up to find themselves in 1099 nation: no benefits, no tax withholding, no matching 401K, no status as an employee, just a contract and a 1099 statement at year end.

In a sense being self-employed simply means stripping away the artifice that somebody else is going to take care of you or give you “free money.” Once we understand the promised security is bogus, self-employment doesn’t feel so risky–it feels like embracing the risk that is hidden behind the flimsy facade of team-building, “guaranteed” pensions and all the rest of the unpayable promises.

The self-employed person generally trades “security” for job satisfaction. The compensation may be higher or lower, but it will likely be lower. The earnings will likely be more sporadic and uncertain.

People Are Beginning To Realize Self-Employment Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be

But ironically, perhaps, the insecurity of self-employment can generate a far more resilient life and mindset. Instead of counting on Big Brother in one form or another to provide retirement, the self-employed person builds their own human, social and financial capital. Those who rely on Big Brother are terribly vulnerable should Big Brother fail to make good on on his extravagant promises to 310 million people.

Gaining power and control over your life doesn’t come cheap. Does anything really worthwhile come cheap? Knowledge, tradecraft, experience, networks of trusted suppliers, expertise: none of them come easy or cheap. All must be gained the hard way.

No wonder self-employment is down. It’s tough to scratch out a living as an entrepreneur. It can be wearisome, but never as wearisome as a job you loathe.
Fewer people choose to be self-employed (USA Today, 9/11)

 

In August, 14.5 million people were self-employed, down 2.1 million from the most recent peak in December 2006, according to Bureau of Labor Statistics data.The number of “incorporated” self-employed workers — those who incorporate to gain legal protection and other benefits — began its decline in 2008. Last month, 5.1 million people were in this category, down 726,000 from August 2008.

Unincorporated self-employed — at 9.4 million last month — has changed little since last spring. It’s hovering at its lowest level in 25 years, says BLS economist Steven Hipple.

Working for others is a good idea while you’re building skills and networks. By all means, work for someone else while you’re learning the ropes, and give them 150% value on the paycheck they hand you. Heck, if you find a decent employer, work part-time for them while you build your own income streams/career. You might even work part-time for several like-minded people and yourself on the side.

Interestingly, this survey found that the self-employed often see their work as helping society. How many employees feel that? I mention this as an example of the intangible benefits of working for yourself.

Take this Job and Love It (Pew Research)

The Rise of The 1099 Economy: More Americans Are Becoming Their Own Bosses(Forbes, 7/12)

 

According to research by Economic Modeling Specialists International, the number of people who primarily work on their own has swelled by 1.3 million since 2001 to 10.6 million, a 14% increase.This rise is partially reflective of hard times, and many of the self-employed earn only modest livings in fields such as childcare and construction. However the shift to self-employment is likely to accelerate in the future, and into higher-paying professions, for reasons including the ubiquity of the Internet, which makes it easier for some types of business to use independent contractors, as well as the reluctance of large firms to hire full-time employees with benefits.

How can self-employment be falling and rising? It depends on how you count the self-employed. The Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) divides the self-employed into two categories, incorporated (about 5 million) and unincorporated (about 10 million). Incorporated self-employed people are often professionals such as doctors, accountants and attorneys who value the legal benefits of a corporation or LLC (limited liability company).

To further confuse things, the BLS counts the incorporated self-employed as “wage earners” because they draw paychecks from themselves. So right off the bat we find a confusion between 14.5 million (total BLS self-employed) and the 10 million (the unincorporated self-employed) reported by the BLS as self-employed.

Self-employment in the United States (BLS)

The private research firm mentioned above clearly counted those getting 1099s as self-employed, even if they are contract workers laboring alongside employees, as is often the case in Corporate America. It appears there are about 7 million people in 1099 nation, hence the other total of self-employed you see in print, 22 million.

So the conventional self-employed may be declining while the involuntary self-employed (those getting a 1099 instead of a paycheck) is rising. Of course it’s rising: the ObamaCare neutron bomb is about to go off, making employee benefits unaffordable to businesses large and small.

ObamaCare: The Neutron Bomb That Will Decimate Employment (February 22, 2013)

Right now the self-employed–an enormously diverse mix of everything from micro-sized eBay businesses netting a few thousand dollars a year to professional corporations–comprise about 10% of the workforce (14.5 million self-employed, a total employed workforce of about 142 million). Add in those now getting 1099s instead of paychecks (7 million) and perhaps 14% of the workforce is self-employed (or at least responsible for paying their own quarterly taxes and healthcare insurance–slick move, Corporate America!).

For reasons I will discuss tomorrow, this number is very likely to rise.

But why, you ask, is working for yourself so great? I’ll tell you why. Where else will you find a boss who knows your foibles, flaws and strengths so well? Where will you find a more forgiving boss, one who really understands what makes you tick? What other employer will give you the day off to go fishing because you really need a break? What other employer is going to let you keep everything you earned for the enterprise? And best of all–where else can you be boss and not have to deal with employees?

Why I Hate School But Love Education||Spoken Word

As the cyclical and seemingly never ending debate about education rages on, the topic – somewhat ironically, often poses more questions than it provides answers.

But what is the value of mainstream schooling? Why is it that some of the most high profile and successful figures within the Western world openly admit to never having completed any form of higher learning?

Paying homage to Jefferson Bethke’s “Why I Hate Religion but Love Jesus”, a piece that received 22 million views in the space of a week, I address a number of these issues in my offering “Why I Hate School, but Love Education”.

With scores of school leavers wanting to further their education with no guarantee of their dream job at the end of it, we should ask ourselves whether qualifications still hold the same value now as they did in previous years?

Does success in the school system correlate to success in life? Or is the school system simply geared towards fact retention and regurgitation?

What is true education?

@sulibreaks
universityofsulibreaks.tumblr.com

Director: @KevinNgongo
http://www.youtube.com/kevinngongo

Graphics: http://www.mikegallardodesigns.com

Music: Sunshine: Surface Of The Sun – John Murphy – Adagio in D Minor

Check my next video “The American’T Dream”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzcxOl…

Contact: info@sulibreaks.com

The American’T Dream (The Purse Suit Of Happyness)||Spoken Word

“If you don’t build your dream, someone will hire you to help build theirs…”-Tony Gaskins

Definition of The American’T Dream

* The American’t Dream is a satire on the “rags to riches” notion of the American Dream.

* It represents the ideal that people strive for success by working an unsatisfactory job, rather than a fulfilling career that feeds their own success and passion. So rather than chasing the “American Dream” they are chasing the “American’t Dream” by allowing their own dreams to be stifled by another person’s dream.

Everybody claims they want SUCCESS, but very few truly pursue it. Following on from the success (2 Million YouTube views) of “Why I Hate School But Love Education”. The American’t Dream addresses the distinctions between the principles of a job you make yourself do day in day out, and a career you love and are really passionate about.

As time goes by, we become more preoccupied with surviving as opposed to living. Many people are content with having a stable routine job (which doesn’t pose any risks to their way of living), rather than pursing their own creative ambitions. They frequently complain about detesting their job, but continuously put themselves in this unsatisfactory position, accepting this is all they’re worth.

Why do we spend our time struggling to work for other people, rather than build and achieve our own dreams?

What’s stopping us from finding out what our dreams are and chasing them?

In a society where the 9–5 job routine has now become the epitome of success for the average person. Is the possibility of a promotion or generic work achievements really what spurs them on in life?

Is it the fear of failure or the loss of stability, which leaves us trapped chasing this American’t Dream?

Director: Kevin Ngongo:@kevinngongo http://www.kevinngongo.co.uk

Camera Operator: Tai Nguyen:@tnvideography

Make- Up: Florence Adepoju:@mdmflow

San Francisco 49ers Academy

Are you a San Francisco 49ers fan? If so than I can not think of a better way to contribute to the team than through the San Francisco 49ers Academy. The San Francisco 49ers Academy is a great organization. Read about their story below.

The San Francisco 49ers Academy was established through a partnership with Communities in Schools (CIS) in 1996. CIS started as a small grassroots movement led by Bill Milliken, one of the nation’s foremost pioneers in the movement to help young people graduate from high school and go onto rewarding careers.

Milliken understood that children who have access to caring adults, safe places to learn and grow, preventative health care and opportunity are less likely to engage in risky behavior and are more likely to stay in school and make a positive contribution to their community. He also realized that the so called “drop-out problem” begins long before kids reach high-school age. He showed communities how to work with their younger students, coordinating community resources to serve kids inside their schools. Out of this, CIS was born.

In the most recent ranking of non-profits done by Worth magazine, CIS was rated one of the top 100 best charities in the world, “doing the best job, dollar for dollar…[and] will do their best to change some of the grim facts of today’s world that we all face.” For every $1 invested in our organization, CIS leverages as much as $5 in resources for under-privileged schools.

The 49ers Academy is a unique partnership – a public school, supported by a private non-profit agency. Ravenswood Communities in Schools (CIS) was incorporated in 1996 and is a separately incorporated affiliate of the National Communities in Schools, Inc. We are the only CIS program in the San Francisco Bay Area.

 

Daniel H. PInk – To Sell is Human | London Real

Daniel H. Pink, author of “To Sell is Human” and “Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us” talks about the microeconomic fallacy that more pay begets more work and argues that humans are truly motivated by Autonomy, Mastery & Purpose, and why most of us spend a large portion of our day engaging in “non-sales selling” as we persuade, convince, and influence others to give up something in exchange for what we have.

http://www.danpink.com/
http://youtu.be/u6XAPnuFjJc

Bryan Stevenson: We need to talk about an injustice

http://www.ted.com In an engaging and personal talk — with cameo appearances from his grandmother and Rosa Parks — human rights lawyer Bryan Stevenson shares some hard truths about America’s justice system, starting with a massive imbalance along racial lines: a third of the country’s black male population has been incarcerated at some point in their lives. These issues, which are wrapped up in America’s unexamined history, are rarely talked about with this level of candor, insight and persuasiveness.

TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world’s leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes. Featured speakers have included Al Gore on climate change, Philippe Starck on design, Jill Bolte Taylor on observing her own stroke, Nicholas Negroponte on One Laptop per Child, Jane Goodall on chimpanzees, Bill Gates on malaria and mosquitoes, Pattie Maes on the “Sixth Sense” wearable tech, and “Lost” producer JJ Abrams on the allure of mystery. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design, and TEDTalks cover these topics as well as science, business, development and the arts. Closed captions and translated subtitles in a variety of languages are now available on TED.com, at http://www.ted.com/translate

If you have questions or comments about this or other TED videos, please go to http://support.ted.com

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